The Case of the Missing Crockpot Lid.

You know it happens to you.  It happens to everyone.  Er, everyone, except me.  I am never cursed to find that proverbial, lone sock in the dryer.  Nope, not once.  That poor, single sock that shall not find its mate and is now doomed to be a cleaning cloth or worse – find itself comingled with the trash.  Pathetic, lonely sock.  Yet, every single sock of mine is perfectly matched to its twin.  I guess my socks are very blessed in this way.  Tragically, my expensive cookery is not afforded such blessings.

I love to cook and have invested in very nice cookware.  Do you think my children covet my crockery as I do?  No!  Do you think they appreciate the sacrifice I made by investing in such quality cookery in which to heat up their Chef-Boyardee?  Hardly!

These ingrates are tasked with doing the daily dishes.  One would think that this is a reasonable and pretty easy chore and is WWWAAAAYYYY better than cleaning bathrooms or trimming the dogs’ nails.  But no.  They act like doing the dishes is abusive and I must be violating some child labor law.  “Watch your back, Mom.  Child Services might come.”  In what I assume is passive-aggressiveness from having to load/unload the dishwasher, they’ve chipped my Le Creuset which is enamel-coated cast iron cookware!  Enamel-coated CAST IRON!  How the flip do they do that?!?!  They put stock pots with the Tupperware, sauce pans with baking dishes, and the matching lids in the glass cupboard. MADNESS, I tell you!  MADNESS!

Uh-oh.  UH-OH!  I can’t control it.  It’s happening, ah yyyeeaaahhhh, baby.  Here it comes.  “I, I can’t get these memories out of my mind.  And some kind of madness has started to evolve.  Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma… Madness.”  I’m doin’ it and ain’t nobody gonna stop me.  I’m doin’ the sexy dance.  WAHOO!  It’s compulsory.  I don’t care if Mini-me and The Weez are mortified.  Who cares that they have friends over?!  Not me!  Come on everybody, join me!!

WHEW!  What an amazing moment.  Isn’t that the sexiest song, like EVER?!  Whenever anything reminds me of this song, I MUST stop (collaborate and listen) and sing and dance and enjoy it.  I will literally die if I don’t.

What was I saying?  Oh yeah!  Ungrateful kids, expensive cookware and missing socks.  Actually I’m past the socks now.  The point is that due to my lovely darlings’ aversion to dish washing, I never know where I will find pots and pans and the like to prepare our meals.

The other day, a friend posted a really cool recipe on her blog and I wanted to make it last night.

SIDE NOTE: Technically, I haven’t met Jenelle, my “friend”.  My BFF is friends with her.  When The Boy joined the Air Force, he was stationed to South Korea.  It turns out that Jenelle was in the Army and also stationed in South Korea at the same time.  I call it Fate.  So the BFF suggested Jenelle and I become friends on Facebook which we promptly did.  Although we never met, I Facebook stalk her and read her blog and try to look half as cool as she does.  SIDE, SIDE NOTE:  The Boy never contacted her because, “Mom, I’m a man and can handle myself”.  Whatever.

Back to the recipe… The recipe uses a slow-cooker and I have one!  Of course, where do I find the slow-cooker (or crockpot as Southerners are known to say)?  My precious angels thoughtfully buried it behind the 20lb bamboo cutting board, turkey pan, and 14 million muffin tins.  Gosh, I love my kids.  Really.  After putting everything back and then wiping the sweat from my upper lip, I realize that I don’t have the lid to the crockpot.  OH COME ON!  I’m pretty sure that it is not in the cabinet in which I found the crockpot.  I look in the pots & pans cabinet.  Nope.  Then I look in the baking dish cabinet and again, not there.  Ok, Tupperware cabinet?  Not there either.  I’m at the last cabinet so it has to be there.  I slowly open the measuring cup and mixing bowl cabinet.  DARN IT ALL TO HECK!  It’s not there either.  I resort to the bowl & plate cabinet, the glassware cabinet, the koozie & alcoholic beverage cabinet (a/k/a the things-that-make-mommy-happy cabinet), the pantry, the laundry room, the bathrooms, under beds, the trunk of my car.  The lid is NOWHERE to be found.  N.O.W.H.E.R.E.  How can this be?  How does a crockpot lid go missing?  I genuinely would love an answer.  Of course I blame my kids.  I know they are at fault.  I threw a rather large hissy-fit in my search for the lid hoping they would fess up to hiding it or at least help me look.  No such luck.

So, now I have this recipe that I really want to make, but no lid for my crockpot.  Everyone knows that the lid is a very crucial element to the crockpot.  I was not to be stopped.  I made the recipe despite having no lid.  I double foiled the top of the crockpot and then put my wok lid over it for added heat & steam retention.  The foil-wok-lid concoction worked magnificently.  I’m a genius.  I just can’t help it.  Brilliance oozes out of my brain.

Last night’s crockpot lid drama was not the first time something has gone missing from the kitchen.  My favorite colander went on sabbatical or something because I couldn’t find it for nearly 2 months.  It just reappeared one day.  It has yet to tell me where it went.  My favorite Pampered Chef can opener also disappeared but eventually came back too.  Hmmm, did the colander give the sabbatical idea to the can opener?  Now that I think about it, my garlic press, which I use for fresh ginger and not garlic, also left and came back.  Did the crockpot lid overhear the colander, can opener and garlic/ginger press talking about their excursions and is now off seeing what that fuss is about?

OR, could it be that I have kitchen gremlins?

Great, that’ll be a huge mess to clean.

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