Orange Is Not The New Black.

OITNB

Well, I’ve finally finished Season 2 of Orange Is The New Black. That Piper girl. She’s a mess isn’t she? Don’t worry if you haven’t watched it yet, there are no spoilers here.

Nope.

This post is about the police, the fashion police.

The Washington Post reported that Sheriffs in Saginaw County blame Orange Is The New Black for making orange prison jumpsuits “too cool.” We can’t have inmates being all cool and stuff. No way. The inmates now get to wear the stereotypical black and white stripe prison jumpsuits.

I guess this is a good thing. Really. Prisoners must sit around and watch Netflix all day and must be getting big heads thinking they’re all that and stuff. They must sit back and relish the envy emanating from all of us NOT in prison and NOT wearing the orange jumpsuit. Yes, I’m soooooooo jealous and think of ways to get arrested just so I can wear the cool, orange, jumpsuit. Correctional officers must be in full riot gear ready to battle fashion shows, mani/pedi parties and the like. These silly inmates are just too cool for words; therefore, it must be stopped!

I admit that I know nothing about the Saginaw County Sheriff’s Office. It’s prison system might be one of the top rehabilitation facilities in the country. Maybe their programs are so perfected that their repeat offender rate is nonexistent.

Maybe.

Gosh I really hope so.

If not, I’d hate to think how the money used to replace the jumpsuits could have been better spent. I don’t know, maybe it could have gone to rehabilitation programs, better healthcare, better pay for correctional officers, better prevention programs.

Maybe.

But thank goodness the inmates now know how cool they are NOT.

Pennywise (The Fur Babies – Part 3).

It has been raining for nearly 3 weeks straight. I haven’t been able to go boating, haven’t been able to play tennis, and my poor plants are drowning. I’m beginning to think that I’m in the Northwest instead of the Southeast.

Anyway. . .

I wake up to the rolling sound of thunder around 5:45 this morning. Sleepily, I turn on the news to check out the weather. Sho’ ‘nough, severe thunderstorms all. day. long.

I decide that it’s best to suck it up, buttercup, and feed & walk the dogs now, before the rain really sets in. We all know that Max (a/k/a Dumb (from Dumb & Dumber) a/k/a POS1) is a prissy dog. His majesty will not, repeat, WILL NOT, get his paws dirty and walk in the rain. NOPE. He didn’t get the memo that dogs like dirt and like doing dog things like eating and rolling in shit. Max thinks he’s a cat and has embraced this lifestyle well. Demanding, aloof, you know, your basic a-hole.

So I’m up. I’m walking the dogs and it’s darker than normal. They’re not used to walking at zero-dark-thirty. The dogs are doing their usual sniff, sniff, pee. Sniff, sniff, pee. Sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, walk away. Sniff, pee. Oh for Pete’s sake, boys. Just pee already.

My dogs are getting pretty old and their eyesight and hearing seem to be going. Things just sort of sneak up on them like never before. It’s funny and sad, all at once. On our walk, the sewer drain scares the BA-JEEBUS out of Bert (a/k/a Dumber a/k/a POS2). He is back and forth, ready to defend me, ready to run away, ready to see what new friend might live down there, ready to jump out of his fur in fear of sewer monsters. It is in this moment that I’m paralyzed with fear.

Oh. My. Ga! Is Pennywise down there? Is IT causing this trepidation in my dog? HOLY CRAP, IT’S PENNYWISE!!!

RUN AWAY!!!

RRRUUUUUNNNN AAAAAAAWWWWWWAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!

it-pennywise-basement

MOVE IT ALONG BOYS!! I’ll totally sacrifice you for my own safety. That’s why people have dogs anyway, right? I read that book and saw that movie and there AIN’T NO WAY I’m sticking around to check out that sewer. Any clown that wants to hang out in a sewer is CREEPY. I paid attention to all those horror movies. I NEVER go into a creepy room. I NEVER go outside when creepy music is playing. AND FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!! I NEVER check out what might be hanging out in the sewer.

Boys, I’m not sticking around. You better not either. I love you and all, but not that much.

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I always thought it odd: my parents never let me watch rated R movies, but I could watch scary ones, despite the rating. I could also read any book I wanted. They were thrilled I was reading so it never mattered what I was reading. You bet I read all of Stephen King. I watched “Hell Raiser” and visited “Nightmare on Elm Street” on many occasion. I played in “Children of the Corn” fields. I never babysat “Rosemary’s Baby”, but it sure felt like it at times. Anyhoo, I just can’t walk past a sewer and NOT be creeped out these days.

Thanks Mom and Dad.

What was the scariest book/movie you remember reading/watching as a kid?

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Happy Sunday!

#JesusPaidItAll

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