Sometimes I Cuss at God.

Today is Easter. I just returned from the Sunrise Service at my church. For some odd reason, they allow me to sing in the Praise Band and did so again today. Typically, we hold Sunrise Service at a beautiful park shrouded in oak trees and a pond in the back drop. It’s truly glorious, despite the alligator who lives in the pond.

This weekend has been soggy, rainy, muggy; therefore, no Sunrise Service at the park this morning. No biggie, we simply moved the Service to our church building that’s just a mile up the road. It was a lovely service, but missing the sunrise saddened me. It’s almost like I cannot breathe until I see the sunrise on Easter. You see, at sunrise on Easter, THE SON HAS RISEN!

I know that I’m a sinner. I know that I’m a hypocrite. There is NO one that is a worse human being than me. Yes, this is a bold statement, but it’s true if I chose to judge people according to God’s standards instead of worldly standards. Sure, I look like a good person. I help people, many people and I even started a nonprofit. I serve and volunteer in many groups. I even wear a cross. I play the part well – very well.

When you take away all my good deeds, you’ll see an incredibly selfish person. I ignore people who need my help because I don’t want to be bothered. I ignore my children and I get very angry when I’m inconvenienced. I get so mad at God for not making things easy for me. I even cuss at Him. I’m not sharing this to air my dirty laundry, but to simply say that I am fractured. I’m ugly and deserve no peace or joy based on my works.

For this reason alone is why I hold my breath until that beautiful Sonrise on Easter morning. Jesus is my best friend. It’s because I’m real with Him and He is real with me. It’s because He knows me and I know Him. It’s because He’s touched my face and held my heart when no one else did. It’s because He tells me that I am worthy of His Love. It is because I am so utterly sorry for all my sins that He forgives me and washes them away. He takes away my guilt and regret and replaces them with peace and joy. Jesus has given me (and the entire world) a form of LOVE that can only come from Him.

I know many of you claim to be atheist or agnostic or spiritual but not religious. I certainly hope that I do not alienate you by sharing my heart this morning. I just can’t help it. Jesus IS my best friend and who doesn’t want to celebrate their best friend?

No sunrise this Easter, but the Son has risen! Alleluia, Christ has risen!