Straighten Up and Fly Right.

To get the most out of this blog, follow these rules.  Ok, they’re not rules, per se, but they are guidelines to yield the most enjoyable experience during your visit.

1.  Accept that this blog is all about me.  I’m freakin’ funny and cool and am oozing all-around-awesomeness.  Albeit, there are 2 or 3 people in this world that may not agree (namely, my kids and parents and siblings and high-school teachers and the public at large).  That’s fine if I’m not your cuppa tea.  I would love to hear your comments and suggestions but I ask that you be respectful above all.  I just won’t listen if you’re belligerent.  I’m belligerent enough for the both of us and am not accepting applications to fill this position.

2.  This is a self-deprecating, tongue -in-cheek, humor, mommy blog.  Most of the blog entries have one teensy-weensy kernel of truth, but all are gravely over-exaggerated.  If you choose to believe every word as fact, then I thank you for the power you have given me and accept this burden as your Queen.

3.  Comment, like, tweet, discuss at the water cooler, share my stories in your Christmas letter and nag the publishing companies to follow my blog.  I want to write a book because the entire world should have a chance to laugh at me.  I’d like to make the world better.  That Coke commercial when I was a kid, made a lasting impression.  SIDE NOTE: I don’t drink soda anymore and this is NOT to be confused as an endorsement of Coca-Cola but enjoy the video.

4.  I think I’m supposed to say something about copyrighting.  I have yet to pay the retainer for my infringement attorney, but that’s fine too.  My day job is as a paralegal.  If you use/share/tweet/write about my stuff, then give creds, bro.  If not, then I’ll sick all the attorneys in my Rolodex on you.  NO LIE.  Fine, that is a lie.  I don’t have a Rolodex, but I have a huge-a** Outlook Contact Manager.  So there.

5.  I don’t know yet, but I’m sure this list will have additions as I gain more experience in offending the world.