Acuppa Tea and The Princess Bride.

On the drive home from work the other day, I was day-dreaming of a nice, hot, steaming cup of herbal tea. I’m sorta a tea snob. I prefer loose leaf herbal tea. Mighty Leaf is my favorite brand and African Nectar is my favorite flavor, not that you asked. I simply share in hopes that someone from Mighty Leaf stumbles upon my l’il ‘ole bloggy thing and sends me lots of tea.

Anyways . . .

Of course, I use an old fashioned stove-top tea kettle to the water for tea. Yes, it’s a pain but it just tastes better. See? I’m a tea snob. Also, I prefer loose leaf tea and make my own tea pouches. Tea pouches are tricky, so naturally I have a tea-making ritual. It’s tough trying to get a  teaspoon of loose leaf tea into the tiny mouth of the pouch. You should see the looks I get while at work when making tea. “Why is Caroline handling herbs and paper? Wait? Is she rolling something?!?” “No, no. I’m just making tea,” I answer. “Ssssuuuurrrreeee,” they say as they walk back to their desk, all the while give me disapproving glances.

mightyleaf.com

I knew that once I got home, I’d have to rush through the tea-making routine so I’d have time to take a quick bath and shave since my tennis leggings were too dirty to wear and a tennis skirt would do nothing to hide the wool that has been growing on my legs, start a load of laundry and wash said leggings, and then pack my tennis bag for the match that was starting in 45 minutes. On the drive home, I plan my strategy. I was desperate for a nice cuppa tea with honey.

I bust through the door (Hi kids! Mommy loves you!), rush through the kitchen, start the kettle, laundry begins and then I give the kiddos and doggies a few hugs and kisses. Finally, the kettle whistles and the water is ready. I pour the hot tea into my cup and then dash upstairs with the cuppa tea in hand and start the bath. As the bath water is running, I pack the tennis bag and lay out my clothes. Wahoo! I’m doing great on time. Since I have a few extra moments to spare, why don’t I just soak in the bath for a few? “Great idea,” answering myself. Aaaahhhh. Slipping into the silky, steamy, hot water felt so amazing. I reach over to the cuppa tea and indulge in a nice big, long sip.

HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS PURE AND GOOD. Hot! Oh my ga! This sh*t is H.O.T!

I spit the tea out but it dribbles down my chin, burning everything it touches As I have lost all sensation. Instinctively, I cup the bath water in my hand to cool down my tongue and roof of my mouth and begin to drink. MOTHER FLIPPER!! That water is hot too. I jump out of the tub and fumble to the sink and turn the cold water on full force to quell the pain. Yeah, like that worked.

It’s been three days since the cuppa tea / tub incident. I expect that I will regain my sense of taste any day now since feeling has just returned. Now, if only people will stop calling me the Impressive Clergyman.

The Impressive Clergyman

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Straighten Up and Fly Right.

To get the most out of this blog, follow these rules.  Ok, they’re not rules, per se, but they are guidelines to yield the most enjoyable experience during your visit.

1.  Accept that this blog is all about me.  I’m freakin’ funny and cool and am oozing all-around-awesomeness.  Albeit, there are 2 or 3 people in this world that may not agree (namely, my kids and parents and siblings and high-school teachers and the public at large).  That’s fine if I’m not your cuppa tea.  I would love to hear your comments and suggestions but I ask that you be respectful above all.  I just won’t listen if you’re belligerent.  I’m belligerent enough for the both of us and am not accepting applications to fill this position.

2.  This is a self-deprecating, tongue -in-cheek, humor, mommy blog.  Most of the blog entries have one teensy-weensy kernel of truth, but all are gravely over-exaggerated.  If you choose to believe every word as fact, then I thank you for the power you have given me and accept this burden as your Queen.

3.  Comment, like, tweet, discuss at the water cooler, share my stories in your Christmas letter and nag the publishing companies to follow my blog.  I want to write a book because the entire world should have a chance to laugh at me.  I’d like to make the world better.  That Coke commercial when I was a kid, made a lasting impression.  SIDE NOTE: I don’t drink soda anymore and this is NOT to be confused as an endorsement of Coca-Cola but enjoy the video.

4.  I think I’m supposed to say something about copyrighting.  I have yet to pay the retainer for my infringement attorney, but that’s fine too.  My day job is as a paralegal.  If you use/share/tweet/write about my stuff, then give creds, bro.  If not, then I’ll sick all the attorneys in my Rolodex on you.  NO LIE.  Fine, that is a lie.  I don’t have a Rolodex, but I have a huge-a** Outlook Contact Manager.  So there.

5.  I don’t know yet, but I’m sure this list will have additions as I gain more experience in offending the world.

STAYED TUNED.