Pennywise (The Fur Babies – Part 3).

It has been raining for nearly 3 weeks straight. I haven’t been able to go boating, haven’t been able to play tennis, and my poor plants are drowning. I’m beginning to think that I’m in the Northwest instead of the Southeast.

Anyway. . .

I wake up to the rolling sound of thunder around 5:45 this morning. Sleepily, I turn on the news to check out the weather. Sho’ ‘nough, severe thunderstorms all. day. long.

I decide that it’s best to suck it up, buttercup, and feed & walk the dogs now, before the rain really sets in. We all know that Max (a/k/a Dumb (from Dumb & Dumber) a/k/a POS1) is a prissy dog. His majesty will not, repeat, WILL NOT, get his paws dirty and walk in the rain. NOPE. He didn’t get the memo that dogs like dirt and like doing dog things like eating and rolling in shit. Max thinks he’s a cat and has embraced this lifestyle well. Demanding, aloof, you know, your basic a-hole.

So I’m up. I’m walking the dogs and it’s darker than normal. They’re not used to walking at zero-dark-thirty. The dogs are doing their usual sniff, sniff, pee. Sniff, sniff, pee. Sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, walk away. Sniff, pee. Oh for Pete’s sake, boys. Just pee already.

My dogs are getting pretty old and their eyesight and hearing seem to be going. Things just sort of sneak up on them like never before. It’s funny and sad, all at once. On our walk, the sewer drain scares the BA-JEEBUS out of Bert (a/k/a Dumber a/k/a POS2). He is back and forth, ready to defend me, ready to run away, ready to see what new friend might live down there, ready to jump out of his fur in fear of sewer monsters. It is in this moment that I’m paralyzed with fear.

Oh. My. Ga! Is Pennywise down there? Is IT causing this trepidation in my dog? HOLY CRAP, IT’S PENNYWISE!!!

RUN AWAY!!!

RRRUUUUUNNNN AAAAAAAWWWWWWAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!

it-pennywise-basement

MOVE IT ALONG BOYS!! I’ll totally sacrifice you for my own safety. That’s why people have dogs anyway, right? I read that book and saw that movie and there AIN’T NO WAY I’m sticking around to check out that sewer. Any clown that wants to hang out in a sewer is CREEPY. I paid attention to all those horror movies. I NEVER go into a creepy room. I NEVER go outside when creepy music is playing. AND FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!! I NEVER check out what might be hanging out in the sewer.

Boys, I’m not sticking around. You better not either. I love you and all, but not that much.

—————————————–

I always thought it odd: my parents never let me watch rated R movies, but I could watch scary ones, despite the rating. I could also read any book I wanted. They were thrilled I was reading so it never mattered what I was reading. You bet I read all of Stephen King. I watched “Hell Raiser” and visited “Nightmare on Elm Street” on many occasion. I played in “Children of the Corn” fields. I never babysat “Rosemary’s Baby”, but it sure felt like it at times. Anyhoo, I just can’t walk past a sewer and NOT be creeped out these days.

Thanks Mom and Dad.

What was the scariest book/movie you remember reading/watching as a kid?

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The Fur Children (Part 1).

My kids ask me all the time if I love our dogs more than I love them.

<crickets chirping>

After diligently thinking this through, I confidently answer “No”. If our stupid dogs act like my kids, I’d have given them the boot a long time ago. The fact that all of my children have survived thus far, despite all the drama they bring to my life, is PROOF that I love them more. God only knows why.

The dogs are Bert & Max a/k/a Dumb & Dumber a/k/a POS1 & POS2, respectively. We got Max first. Mini-Me was 5 at the time. She wanted to name him “Angel”. Um, no. Two years later we got Bert.

Max was the original POS1 (Piece of Sh–), but he was demoted because I like Bert better.

We have many names for Max: Grumpy Old Man, Ankle Biter, Maxi Pad, Ewok, Demon Dog, Rat and Cat. (To be clear, we only call him Rat after he’s freshly groomed and he actually looks like a rat.) Mini-Me’s friend calls him Sausage, but she’s the only one who calls him that. It’s appropriate because he does look like an overstuffed sausage.

Max thinks he’s a cat trapped in a dog’s body. He perches like a cat. He gives me unbelievable attitude like a cat, or a teenager. He also likes to hide under things. He’ll even bat at feet as they pass him by. And, he meows. Yes, meows.

Here’s a picture of Max perching on our sofa.

Max Perching

Here’s a picture of why he is called Demon Dog/Ewok, but he does look more like a gremlin in the second picture.

Ewok

For all the grief this dog gives me for acting like a cat, he’s pretty entertaining. He’s also so ugly that he’s cute. He keeps the kids out of my hair so I can enjoy my wine which is MOST important and why I love him.