The Fur Children (Part 1).

My kids ask me all the time if I love our dogs more than I love them.

<crickets chirping>

After diligently thinking this through, I confidently answer “No”. If our stupid dogs act like my kids, I’d have given them the boot a long time ago. The fact that all of my children have survived thus far, despite all the drama they bring to my life, is PROOF that I love them more. God only knows why.

The dogs are Bert & Max a/k/a Dumb & Dumber a/k/a POS1 & POS2, respectively. We got Max first. Mini-Me was 5 at the time. She wanted to name him “Angel”. Um, no. Two years later we got Bert.

Max was the original POS1 (Piece of Sh–), but he was demoted because I like Bert better.

We have many names for Max: Grumpy Old Man, Ankle Biter, Maxi Pad, Ewok, Demon Dog, Rat and Cat. (To be clear, we only call him Rat after he’s freshly groomed and he actually looks like a rat.) Mini-Me’s friend calls him Sausage, but she’s the only one who calls him that. It’s appropriate because he does look like an overstuffed sausage.

Max thinks he’s a cat trapped in a dog’s body. He perches like a cat. He gives me unbelievable attitude like a cat, or a teenager. He also likes to hide under things. He’ll even bat at feet as they pass him by. And, he meows. Yes, meows.

Here’s a picture of Max perching on our sofa.

Max Perching

Here’s a picture of why he is called Demon Dog/Ewok, but he does look more like a gremlin in the second picture.


For all the grief this dog gives me for acting like a cat, he’s pretty entertaining. He’s also so ugly that he’s cute. He keeps the kids out of my hair so I can enjoy my wine which is MOST important and why I love him.