Hands To Heaven (How I Survived My First Crush).

It’s just an ordinary morning: busying reviewing prebills and listening to my iTunes Radio. La-tee-da. I’m doing my work, doing my work. Drinking my coffee. Doing my work.

Hmm, today, maybe I’ll listen to Peter Hollens on iTunes Radio. I like a Capella and show tune-y songs and can use a l’il break from all the Eminem I’ve been listening to lately. That Eminem. Man, he really puts it in perspective, doesn’t he? But, it’s hard listening to him in the office. It’s a lot of work to keep adjusting the volume when all the mofo lyrics play and Mr. Boss comes into my office. Yes, Peter Hollens will be a welcome change.

♫♪♫ As I watch you move ♫♪♫
Wait, I know this song.

♫♪♫ Across the moonlit room ♫♪♫
Oh my gosh, why are tears forming in my eyes?

♫♪♫ There’s so much tenderness in your loving ♫♪♫
This [sob] is not [sob] Peter Hollens.

♫♪♫ Tomorrow I must leave ♫♪♫
My heart [sobbing even harder] is breaking. Oh it hurts, it hurts!

♫♪♫ The dawn knows no reprieve ♫♪♫
Why am I weak in the knees? [uncontrollable tear-shedding] PULL IT TOGETHER, Caroline! A client is going to walk through that door any minute. Mr. Boss is going to walk through that door any minute. Get a grip, you sissy!

♫♪♫ God give me strength when I am leaving ♫♪♫
Yes, God, give me strength now! [fetal position under my desk]

No, no this song is not Peter Hollens. In fact, it’s “Hands To Heaven” by Breathe.

It’s the one song that I cried myself to sleep to every. single. night in 8th grade. It’s the one song that I played relentlessly. It’s the one song on the cassette tape (remember those) that I bought three times because I kept wearing it out. It is the song that helped me through my first crush, John. (No, that is not his real name. I have to change his name. What if he reads this?!?!)

I cannot believe that I’m pushing 40 [cough] and all those emotions are coming back. The tears. won’t. stop. Oh my ga, it’s like I’m 13 again. I can feel the pimples breaking out on my face and have an overwhelming urge to go buy some Noxzema.

Oh Scotty John, you were loved, oh so loved. Sure, John and I had been friends since we were 8 but something changed one day. I just looked at him and the world melted. [Cue Modern English] I just knew I was going to die, literally, I WOULD DIE, if we did not go out. I practiced kissing on my pillow all the while imagining that I was kissing him. I’d write him letters and draw him pictures that I would NEVER give to him. NO! I could never tell him how I felt even though he probably felt the same way. Is there anything more desperate / pathethic / tragic / wretched / pitiful than a preteen swooning over her first crush? Sadly, Scotty, er, I mean, John was never mine.

According to Wikipedia, Breathe disbanded. Let us bow our heads in a moment of silence.

How old were you when you had your first crush? What was the one song that got you through? Do you feel puberty creeping back? It’s okay, you can borrow my Noxzema.

Mixed Cassette Tape