My kids say I’m mean and judgmental. Mini-Me tells me that I’m horrible for even broaching this subject. I don’t understand because I only speak the truth. If speaking the truth is cruel, then fine, I’m Cruella De Vil.
Since we’re embracing the truth, let’s agree that ugly babies exist. Who invented the rule that just because you’re a baby, you’re automatically cute? My kids believe this rule and I want to speak to the person who fed them such a lie. And because they believe this rule, I’m forced to smile at ugly babies while my face betrays me to the unfortunate parents.
There is only ONE allowable criterion for the mantle of automatic cuteness to babies. If you are assigned automatic baby cuteness, then you must be a soft, fluffy, baby animal OR you are Ryan Gosling. He qualifies because he is, in fact, a gosling. WARNING! CUTENESS ALERT!
I know of which I speak (not of Ryan Gosling but I hope to correct this soon as I’m sure he’d love my blog if he read it and he would fall madly in love with me). I am, however, an expert in assigning cuteness to babies. I was born a cute baby. I had 3 absolutely freaking, beautiful babies. Sadly, my dear, poor sister (Mogie) was not so fortunate to be a pretty baby. Don’t believe me? Just ask our mom. She still talks about how Mogie was an ugly baby and Mogie is now 37! Thank heavens-to-betsy Mogie grew out of her ugly. As a matter of fact, she was so pretty in high school that I had to relentlessly tease her just to keep her humble. It was for her own good really.
To recap, not all babies are cute. If that were a false statement, then I would not have been able to find tons of websites and images all dedicated to ugly babies. There are even websites on proper etiquette for when you are face to face with an ugly baby. There are even sites that teach you what to do if you give birth to an ugly baby. I will admit some of the images were of babies making funny faces; therefore, they do NOT qualify as ugly babies. They are actually cute but were caught in a bad moment. There are even some babies that are so ugly that they are cute, like my dog. Those babies get a pass too.
Please note, while researching ugly babies, Mini-Me gave in and laughed at some ugly baby pictures. I win. 😉
For those that are challenged in the cutesy department, I offer my sincerest prayers for a prompt growth spurt to correct this unfortunate circumstance.
Now go hug your ugly baby because, HEY, even ugly babies need love.
Dear friends & family – All of y’all’s babies are G.O.R.G.E.O.U.S. I’m not even talking about your baby, so unwad your panties.